This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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