Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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