so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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