remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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