He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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