...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
