Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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