Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
