So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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