i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
