this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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