not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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