Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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