Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i permit you to call me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
