fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
