Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
