it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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