I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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