I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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