Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
