I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
