the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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