I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
