i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
