mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
