i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Mom said you looked used
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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