there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
