Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
