Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
