i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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