I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What a dumb baby whore.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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