So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Houston, we have a squirter
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
