my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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