All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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