Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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