HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
