I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
