Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
