I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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