Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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