she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
