At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
