apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I enjoy the company of your penis
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