You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
