I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
