I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
