I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
