Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
