roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
