Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
