he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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