Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
