Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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