My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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