Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
