Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
