Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
