Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
