Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
