i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
