Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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