smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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