Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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