omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
