Welp...herpes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
