when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
