Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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