i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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