peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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