Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
