Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
