I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
